Ohio State and the NCAA

Coach, we don’t understand those odd elephant noises!
So the ever inconsistent NCAA, you know, that group who suspended half the UNC football team and devastated USC with sanctions, has baffled us all yet again. You may remember the first incident, when Cam Newton’s dad tried to sell his son’s services to Mississippi State. Of course, poor Cam Newton had no idea, so he is still eligible to play. And we all believed that for about 5 seconds. Well, this time the NCAA has decided that 5 Ohio State players did in fact break NCAA rules by selling merchandise for thousands of dollars in cash. Their punishment? A hefty 5 game suspension…starting next season. Wha??!?!?

Jim Tressel was immediately confronted by reporters at a press conference where he began his responses with indeterminate animal sounds as pictured above. He sure showed those reporters! Don’t mess with the vest! Somewhere between the gibberish they were able to determine that Coach Tressel did the bold thing and required his 5 soon-to-be-suspended players to commit to playing next season before allowing them to compete in the Sugar Bowl. He really showed those players! Don’t mess with the vest!

Seriously, is this how Ohio State is going to handle the situation? This is what the NCAA is ok with? Apparently USC recruiting violations were enough to prevent the whole team from even being considered for a bowl game. And those were violations that occurred long before any of the current players or coaches had anything to do with the program. They all got very stiff sanctions for something none of them did.

Then you look at these poor Ohio State football players who were “uneducated” about the rules. They just didn’t know selling their university given merchandise was against the rules! Oh, that’s ok then, we’ll just have them be suspended next season. A bowl experience is too unique and special to be deprived…unless you’re USC, in which case all you suckas miss out on a bowl for two years because some other guy years ago punked the rules. I’m throwing a penalty flag at the NCAA for the inconsistent penalty. While I’m at it…

I’m throwing a flag at Ohio State…yup, the whole university. It’s the spineless penalty and results in a minimum 3 losses next season for bad karma. It also means your men’s basketball team will come crashing down suckas!

I’m throwing a flag at Cam Newton for the BS penalty. The BS penalty results in a BCS championship loss and in the next 5 years a mandated return of all awards.

I’m throwing a flag at Nebraska and West Virginia for committing the unmotivated penalty. This results in crushing humiliation in your bowl game and an off season of shame.

I’m throwing a flag at the whole Big Ten conference for keeping Jim Delany as commissioner and ruining all of college football. This results in perpetual mediocrity and subservience to the SEC.

I’m throwing a flag at myself this year for some pretty terrible predictions. Penalty is declined.

And my final flag is being thrown at ESPN commentator Mark May for being a closet singing sensation and not telling the world. I’m pretty sure I saw him on Sing Off with Jerry Lawson and Talk of the Town. He must have assumed an A Capella alias. I’ll let you decide: