College Football’s Conspiracy?

Recently there has been a lot of talk in the media about the conspiracy that is the BCS.  This is just silly, or is it?  Unfortunately the typical conspiracy theorists are the kind of geek loser that lives in the parent’s basement and proudly states the “factual” errors of Star Wars 1, 2, & 3 compared to the epic, and historically correct, 4th, 5th, & 6th sagas.  This dude is just not credible on appearance, and since I don’t know what he claims to know I can only go with my best judgement.  This is true for all rational people.  When a crazy person starts talking we use our best judgement and listen to them through a filter, or two, and sometimes memorize everything they say just so we can make fun of them later on that night.

We all know that guy.  I actually met someone in college who told me that Dinosaurs didn’t exist and all the bones we’ve found were planted by a secret society who wants to bring down christianity.   Seriously.

The JFK theorists look a little looney too, but as time has gone by they sure seem to be more accurate than the officials- go watch the History Channels footage on this, its been on every day this month, creepy.

Now we have the ‘BCS must have the SEC win’ theorists.  I’m not real sure the BCS is smart enough to actually pull anything off as large as fixing a national championship, or which teams go to the big game.  But then again, I think of that Star Wars geek.  He’d bring up the fact that the Emperor was at one point just another ambitious senator.  A guy most trusted by all close to him.  Someone who gained favor from all the truly influential people.  A man of great character and flawless performance.  But…  He wanted more and more and more.  We all know you can’t trust anyone who’s lust limit for power can not be seen.  We would hear the story how the Emperor killed his own mentor once he had the skills, and how he then made his move to guarantee his status.

Enter Roy Kramer, creator of the Bowl Championship Series.  A man who spent most of his career leading the Chippewas of Central Michigan, then took over Vanderbilt’s athletic department, only to retire as the SEC commissioner, after finding a way to fix the mess that was college football.  You see, before Kramer came along with his brilliant ideas we had no clear champion.  #1 and #2 rarely met on the field and there were too many polls to look at and find a proven champion.  The man had a vision though.  He saw a day where the Big 11 wouldn’t get all the media coverage, or all the respect in the polls, because every team would have a chance to play it out on the field.  He saw a way the top teams would be there because of merit, not just the Notre Dame, Ohio St, or Michigan lettering on the jerseys.  And so it was, the creation of the Bowl Championship Series.

Then came Michael Lawrence Slive.  According to the theorist Star Wars geek, Mr. Slive is the Emperor who takes over for the mentor and is now making his move to secure his status as the most powerful man in college football.  For the man who dictates who plays in the BCS Championship brings many spoils.  Alabama and Florida both should have lost a game because of the way they have played on the field, and in fact, ‘Bama should have lost 2.  But the officials minds are no longer their own as the old Jedi mind trick has been used to instruct them to ‘manage’ the ‘Bama and UF games so as to make sure the teams don’t blow it.  At least that is the theory.  Sounds crazy, but then again.

Since the BCS was created it has been tweaked and manipulated.  With each change the public relations spinsters have woven a fabric of story embedded with little messages like that super spy movie with Angelina Jolie.  We are told it is a fair system now that the non-BCS teams can earn a spot in the BCS games. Oh and hey! Look!  We even added a game to guarantee fairness.  Now while the media and bloggers alike have argued about who should be in what game, Mr. Slive has worked in the background to make sure the way of the BCS stays.  For everyone absolutely with out any doubt positively knows the SEC is the best conference and always will be because the fans said so and they said it louder, just like in Jr. high, OOOHHH BURN!!  That may be true some years, but not so much every year.  This dilemma has given purpose to our all powerful Emperor Slive- what do you do when the SEC doesn’t have a couple of teams that will clearly make it on their own?

Fix the games…

For you see, I’ve learned from SEC fan and ESPN that the SEC is the only conference that beats itself up, disallowing an unbeaten team.  Or maybe its just that the top teams are not that much better than the middle teams who are not that much better than the bottom teams.  Which seems to be a theme this year in ALL conferences.  Yet Florida and ‘Bama survive.  Petrino has been reprimanded by the SEC for criticizing the refs in their loss to Florida.  Then Urban Meyer agreed and those refs have been suspended.   Now Slive has come out and said if “any” coach criticizes the refs they will be fined.  And yet Florida survived.  ‘Bama and the Volunteers.  Etc. Etc.

There are those who say there is a conspiracy here and it is these blown calls that prove it, and there are those that say the BCS is using these refs to conspire against the “smaller” teams.  Again, the question remains though.  Is the BCS smart enough to use refs to conspire for or against teams?

No.  They’re smarter.  The only conspiracy here is that the Emperor took control many years ago and has been in control the whole time.  Not over the refs, nor over the teams.  No.  The Emperor wrote the ‘rules’ of the BCS that excludes certain teams and allows other teams (Notre Dame) different criteria to get into the BCS.  Yes, the conspiracy does exist, but it is a lot bigger than the refs or a couple of calls.  The BCS is the Empire.  If only Slive had a kid with a little green midget friend that could correct the wrong doings of his father by converting him away from the dark side.  Then Slive could grab the BCS rule book and throw it over the edge of some tall building while being shocked by the evil raw power of the Empire.

All in all, as long as we end everything with a party with a bunch of Ewoks and dancing I’m in.

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